Saturday 9: I'm So Excited

  

1. What was the last event or situation that got you really excited?

It's honestly been a while since I've been truly excited about anything. It's been so long that I can't even remember!  I'm looking forward to school starting. I'm looking forward to the fall coming. But real excitement - not so much.

 

2. How old were you when you started working and what was your first job?

I was 14 and worked for some summer job program for poor kids. I was placed in our local district court helping out in the judges lobby and probation office.

 

3. Tell us about your grandparents.

My Father's parents: I never met my grandfather. They were divorced many years before I was born. But My grandmother and I were very close. She lived next door to us and I spent a lot of time with her. She played games with me. We watched TV. Read books. She made me open faced toasted cheese sandwiches. She died when I was 16. I was absolutely devastated.
My mother's parents: They are both dead as well but I was able to grow up with them. My grandmother spent her last few years in a nursing home that I hated so I never went. My grandfather worked for Revere Copper and Brass. To this day, my favorite cookware are the old Revere pots & pans. They lived in a triple decker in the city and the place always smelled like Lysol. Grandpa drank

Narragansett beer and always gave me the bottle cap with the puzzle on it.

4. Do you procrastinate or are you usually on top of situations?

Both. I try to stay on top of things but I do procrastinate about a lot as well. If I am anxious about something, I tend to put things off as long as I can.

 

5. What would others say about you?

That I am quiet. Strong. Creative. Organized.
Ha!

 

6. Do you believe in life on other planets?

I believe it's crazy to think that we are the only ones out there. There is so much we don't know about space -  It may not be life as we know it - but yes, I believe there are other forms of life.

 

7. When was the last time that you were called too thin?
HA HA HA HA HAAAA

 

8. Do you work out? Have you ever joined a gym and quit almost immediately?
I do not currently work out. I did join a gym many years ago and went for maybe 6 months. I refuse to pay for a gym membership when I can get up and walk around the neighborhood for free.

9. Do you feel that you utilize all your intelligence in every situation?

For the most part, yes. It can be hard when I am very nervous or intimidated but in general - yes, I do.

 

where does that leave me

I've been suffering with anxiety on and off for most of my life. It's increased over the past 10 years or so. At times so much that it quite interferes with my life. Lately (the past month) it's been doing just that. Doctors and others ask me if 'something' happened to bring it about. Well, no. there was no big event. It's a build up of all the little (and not so little) events that go on in my daily life.
You have to understand, I live in somewhat of a PTSD world. There is always an underlying "what if" or "when will" state of mind. When will one of the kids have a rage or meltdown? When will I get that phone call from school? When will I need to break up a fight? When will my child go into crisis. When will I be called a bitch or be attacked by my own son?
This undercurrent never goes away. Never. It is always there. Even when things are going fairly well - like they are now, It is still there. I have to be on guard -so to speak- at all times.
I am always in a state of anxiety. I think my normal anxiety level, when you compare it to another person, Is high to begin with. So when I am struggling with increased anxiety - WOW! It's up there.

Meds:
I've been on several different antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs over the years. The one that seems to work best for me is Effexor. Well, it doesn't seem to work all that well lately.  My doctor has just given me Klonapin to add to it.I'm on a super low dose which seems to barely take the edge off. I have the freedom to increase it depending on my needs. I want to start low. Take the least amount possible to provide relief.

Therapy:
I'm having therapy pushed on me. Learn how to relax. get exercise. Talk it out. Work out a plan. Family meetings.
I just don't know. I'm not all that interested in therapy. Not now. I've worked with and met my share of total wacko therapists and I really don't have a lot of faith in 99% of them. They have no clue. I'm tired of people suggesting that my son tries a new med. That I should send him to a special school. Enroll him in scouts or karate. If any of those ideas worked - would I be in this situation? I've tried it. Anything you can offer me - I've done.
Where does that leave me? Good question. Really good question.

introductions

As the mom to three very unique kids, my day to day activities are endless. Meetings. Phone calls. Emails. Doctor and therapy appointments. Add to that taking care of the house. Cleaning. Cooking. Shopping. Laundry. Pets. yard work. And of course, most of all, keeping the man happy.
Although, it really doesn't take much to keep him happy. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me. He is easy to please. He and I fit together perfectly. Like peas and carrots. We have differences in how to raise the kids but he leaves that to me and that's OK. We've figured out what works for us and it works well.
My three unique kids were born with a mix of alphabet soup. ADHD, PDD, OCD, mood disorder, anxiety. And that's just my youngest boy. Little Guy.
My middle does deal with some depression but his major affliction is an eye disease called <a href="http://www.blindness.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=50&itemid=67">Retinitis Pigmentosa</a>. At this point, he is night blind and color blind. He also has limited peripheral vision. But in daylight he gets around just fine and has no problems.
My oldest daughter, she's got ADHD and I see some asperger traits in her as well. Theres questions as to the proper diagnosis but it really doesn't matter at this point. She is very smart. Does well in school and her "disability" isn't really disabling her.
Doing things as a family is impossible. There are fights. Meltdowns. Hitting. Swearing. It just isn't worth it. The kids are so very different that they just don't get along. It's easier to let them do their own thing.
Having unique kids makes it hard to socialize. Other parents see a hyperactive little boy and wonder what is wrong with the parent that they can't control the kid. So they stay away. I've gotten used to it and I do my own thing.
In my "free" time, I love getting online. Whether it's reading blogs, playing games, looking at facebook, twitter or the news. I love playing with my two dogs. Both Shih-Tzu's. I enjoy sitting outside and watching the birds. I also pen pal. I've written to pen pals for most of my life and it's something I'll always do.
And of course there is cooking. Baking. New recipes. Old recipes. Tweaking recipes. I just love it all.
I hope to start sharing tidbits of life here. Share some favorite recipes. Some meme's and some photos of my world here on Cape Cod. Please feel free to comment. Say hi. Ask questions - anything!